THIS WEEKEND - If Skeet Ulrich is the poor man's Johnny Depp, does that make Stephen Dorff the poor man's Skeet Ulrich? I'm not sure Dorff even deserves that title based on his movie output in 2002. First there was the much-vilified 50s street gang flick Deuces Wild, and now Fear Dot Com, the movie that will officially send summer out with a whimper. I'd provide my own synopsis here, but this movie sounds so incredibly repugnant I can't bring myself to expend the energy. Here's how Rotten Tomatoes explains it: "When four bodies are discovered among the industrial decay and urban grime of New York City, brash young detective Mike Reilly (STEPHEN DORFF) teams with ambitious Department of Health researcher Terry Huston (NATASCHA MCELHONE) to uncover the cause behind their violent and inexplicable deaths. The only common factor shared by the victims? Each died exactly 48 hours after logging on to feardot.com." I like this description, though, because it further proves a theory I have that every young New York City detective is required by law to be described as "brash." No big surprises on the critical front -- 16 reviews so far and only 1 positive, from Luke Y. Thompson of the New Times Los Angeles who embarrassingly admits that "Fear dot com's thrills are all cheap, but they mostly work." For me, the only thing worse than actually having to sit through this movie might be reading all of the critics who diss the movie with clever computer puns:

"Press the delete key."
-- NEW YORK POST

"Anyone not into high-tech splatterfests is advised to take the warning literally, and log on to something more user-friendly."
-- SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS

"As scary and minor-chord heavy as FearDotCom can be, there's no big payoff, no logical resolution. It's like waiting for a site to download, only to find that when it happens, anticipation was more than half of the empty thrill."
-- CHICAGO TRIBUNE

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